Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Will I be a D-cup in the Resurrection?
by NA Confession time: I am a vain, vain man. At the same time, I take terrible care of myself and am not a particularly sharp dresser. So, you can imagine how deep my dissatisfaction runs. But all that is about to change: I am going to have cosmetic surgery. No, really -- next week, Sumer and I are flying to Vancouver, where we will both have Lasik eye surgery, following which, we will be spectacle-free. Hurrah! Napoleon Dynamite becomes Dirk Benedict.
There are some practical benefits to having this type of procedure -- no more glasses means that my vision, most likely, will be better than with lenses, including my peripheral vision; I'll be able to see underwater; to run without the bouncing of the frames; to make out with hot girls (such as Sumer) without the annoying clunk sound of glasses-hitting-girl, or worse yet, the horrible clank of glasses-on-glasses. But at the heart of it all, it's a vanity issue -- no more four-eyes, which I've been since 4th grade (I remember it to this day, dancing to Disco Duck, woefully aware of my lot in life). I've been sensitive about my glasses for a long time, and so has Sumer.
My religion offers me little advice regarding the advisability of cosmetic surgery, whether it's with or without any practical benefits. Is this surgery making my body more perfect? Will the incisions in my cornea be raised with me in the Resurrection? Alma has as good a description as anyone's: "the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame, even as we now are at this time..." But this doesn't really tell us much about the nature of our resurrected forms. What is the "proper frame" for our bodies? We believe that our bodies will be made perfect -- does that mean we all get that 20/20 vision we long for? Will we no longer be lactose-intolerant? Will we be taller, stronger or (as my title suggests) more well-proportioned? In other words, does the resurrection serve to correct things perceived subjectively as imperfections, or does the resurrection work to some external standard of perfection?
This issue isn't as peripheral as it might sound, because our notions of a physical resurrection, together with LDS belief in a corporeal God, make our notions of heaven and perfection a little different than the average Christian's. Can we conceive of a God that can't eat spicy nachos or that is a little on the short side? Even worse, do our concepts of God's perfection require him to be anglo and bearded -- and if so, does our definition of perfection require us to be anglo? (and bearded -- better get that Beard Card, ye BYU-ites!) Perhaps we need to be a little more disciplined in LDS culture in how we conceive of perfection, and steel ourselves for the possibility that perfection may not mean the absolute resolution of self-conceived imperfections. That's the problem when someone else makes you perfect -- you don't get to decide when you've reached perfection! In the meantime, I'll be doing a little weight training so that I can fill out those heavenly robes a little better.
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There are some practical benefits to having this type of procedure -- no more glasses means that my vision, most likely, will be better than with lenses, including my peripheral vision; I'll be able to see underwater; to run without the bouncing of the frames; to make out with hot girls (such as Sumer) without the annoying clunk sound of glasses-hitting-girl, or worse yet, the horrible clank of glasses-on-glasses. But at the heart of it all, it's a vanity issue -- no more four-eyes, which I've been since 4th grade (I remember it to this day, dancing to Disco Duck, woefully aware of my lot in life). I've been sensitive about my glasses for a long time, and so has Sumer.
My religion offers me little advice regarding the advisability of cosmetic surgery, whether it's with or without any practical benefits. Is this surgery making my body more perfect? Will the incisions in my cornea be raised with me in the Resurrection? Alma has as good a description as anyone's: "the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame, even as we now are at this time..." But this doesn't really tell us much about the nature of our resurrected forms. What is the "proper frame" for our bodies? We believe that our bodies will be made perfect -- does that mean we all get that 20/20 vision we long for? Will we no longer be lactose-intolerant? Will we be taller, stronger or (as my title suggests) more well-proportioned? In other words, does the resurrection serve to correct things perceived subjectively as imperfections, or does the resurrection work to some external standard of perfection?
This issue isn't as peripheral as it might sound, because our notions of a physical resurrection, together with LDS belief in a corporeal God, make our notions of heaven and perfection a little different than the average Christian's. Can we conceive of a God that can't eat spicy nachos or that is a little on the short side? Even worse, do our concepts of God's perfection require him to be anglo and bearded -- and if so, does our definition of perfection require us to be anglo? (and bearded -- better get that Beard Card, ye BYU-ites!) Perhaps we need to be a little more disciplined in LDS culture in how we conceive of perfection, and steel ourselves for the possibility that perfection may not mean the absolute resolution of self-conceived imperfections. That's the problem when someone else makes you perfect -- you don't get to decide when you've reached perfection! In the meantime, I'll be doing a little weight training so that I can fill out those heavenly robes a little better.
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Wednesday, August 11, 2004
'Dear Abby' , the anti-Mormon
by NA A recent column by Ms. Buttinsky herself threatens the very core of LDS dating relationships! Now I have the "Will I Wait For You" bit from Saturday's Warrior stuck in my head. At least she encouraged young Johnny to go on his mission...
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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Liberate me! I'm repressed?
by Anonymous A few weeks ago, while traveling, I met an American woman with whom I had a lengthy conversation. She was in her late 50s or early 60s. She wanted to know about my work so we discussed philosophy for awhile among other things. I quite enjoyed talking to her. But later that evening I mentioned that I had met people at church who let me stay in their homes for free. She immediately asked me what church I attend. When I told her I am Mormon she was quite shocked. She asked me how I could be so educated and part of such a sexist church, thus allowing myself to be repressed. I said, "Women are encouraged to get as much education as they can and I'm not repressed." She told me that yes, I am repressed. When I asked her how I am repressed she just said, "Well, you have to admit that you belong to a sexist church." I said, "the church is patriarchal, yes. But that doesn't make me repressed. How am I repressed?" Our exchange continued in this way as she got increasingly more distressed and insistent. She never explained to me in what ways I am repressed. She simply insisted that patriarchy and conservative religion necessitate my repression.
She asked me how I could be politically liberal and belong to a conservative religion. I told her there were many liberal mormons, that one could be socially and politically liberal while being religious. This is the point at which she lost control of herself. She said "How can you be so educated and a philosopher and believe in such superstitions? Yours is a superstitious religion. Are you a true believer? Do you really believe that God spoke to Joseph Smith and all of that?" I responded, "Yes, I do believe it. I've questioned the doctrine and studied it and don't find it contrary to reason. So there is no conflict between my religion and my academic work." Her face got red and she screamed, "That's scary. I find that truly scary!" Then she stormed out of the hostel kitchen.
This whole exchange lasted about 30 minutes. Every time I challenged one of her assumptions she changed the subject instead of answering my questions. By the time she left, I found myself extremely angry and insulted. Though I kept my cool with her the whole time. I sat down at the table to finish my meal and smiled at the smirking German. Then the woman came crashing back into the kitchen saying, "The sad thing is that they are truly beautiful people, the mormons. So are most fundamentalist Christians." I smiled at her and then walked out.
In order to resolve my anger I had to recognize that she had issues with herself, not with me. Even though I felt insulted, she really fought against her own fears. My faith threatened and scared her. At one point she mentioned that she grew up in the Church of Christ and knows what it's like for fundamentalist women to be repressed. So at some time in her life she turned her back on her family's traditions. The fact that an intelligent, educated, liberal woman could believe in a religion like mormonism, which she obviously equated with all fundamental Christianity, rocked her worldview. She must hold a fundamental belief that religion is only for the ignorant women. Once I realized this, my anger turned to sadness for her.
There are at least two issues for discussion here. Are Mormon women repressed? And if so, then in what ways? I don't feel repressed but maybe, as the woman insisted, I am repressed and just don't realize it. I'm also single and childless so maybe I have escaped the repression that comes with having a family. Wives and mothers, are you repressed by your families?
The other issue is the perceived conflict with intellectualism and faith/religion. This woman could not accept the existence of a religious and educated woman. She obviously absorbed the Enlightenment ideals of rationalism over 'superstition' or faith. Our popular culture is similarly steeped in such ideals. So, lets explain away this false conflict or justify it as a real problem or rant about it or whatever else your hearts desire.
Jennifer J
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She asked me how I could be politically liberal and belong to a conservative religion. I told her there were many liberal mormons, that one could be socially and politically liberal while being religious. This is the point at which she lost control of herself. She said "How can you be so educated and a philosopher and believe in such superstitions? Yours is a superstitious religion. Are you a true believer? Do you really believe that God spoke to Joseph Smith and all of that?" I responded, "Yes, I do believe it. I've questioned the doctrine and studied it and don't find it contrary to reason. So there is no conflict between my religion and my academic work." Her face got red and she screamed, "That's scary. I find that truly scary!" Then she stormed out of the hostel kitchen.
This whole exchange lasted about 30 minutes. Every time I challenged one of her assumptions she changed the subject instead of answering my questions. By the time she left, I found myself extremely angry and insulted. Though I kept my cool with her the whole time. I sat down at the table to finish my meal and smiled at the smirking German. Then the woman came crashing back into the kitchen saying, "The sad thing is that they are truly beautiful people, the mormons. So are most fundamentalist Christians." I smiled at her and then walked out.
In order to resolve my anger I had to recognize that she had issues with herself, not with me. Even though I felt insulted, she really fought against her own fears. My faith threatened and scared her. At one point she mentioned that she grew up in the Church of Christ and knows what it's like for fundamentalist women to be repressed. So at some time in her life she turned her back on her family's traditions. The fact that an intelligent, educated, liberal woman could believe in a religion like mormonism, which she obviously equated with all fundamental Christianity, rocked her worldview. She must hold a fundamental belief that religion is only for the ignorant women. Once I realized this, my anger turned to sadness for her.
There are at least two issues for discussion here. Are Mormon women repressed? And if so, then in what ways? I don't feel repressed but maybe, as the woman insisted, I am repressed and just don't realize it. I'm also single and childless so maybe I have escaped the repression that comes with having a family. Wives and mothers, are you repressed by your families?
The other issue is the perceived conflict with intellectualism and faith/religion. This woman could not accept the existence of a religious and educated woman. She obviously absorbed the Enlightenment ideals of rationalism over 'superstition' or faith. Our popular culture is similarly steeped in such ideals. So, lets explain away this false conflict or justify it as a real problem or rant about it or whatever else your hearts desire.
Jennifer J
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Sunday, August 01, 2004
What Does Testimony Meeting Really Mean?
by Dave This Sunday, my ward offered the usual cast of stock characters for an LDS testimony meeting: the returning wayward member who confessed to a variety of heinous but unspecified sins; a couple of grandmotherly types who discussed their ailments or those of other family members; a couple of auxiliary leaders sharing the good things happening with this or that person or group; a dynamic Polynesian sharing an aggressive but touching testimony; and of course a dutiful high priest or two expounding on the temple as a metaphor for life. Why do we do this once a month?
Wearing my critical hat, I might offer that it is a simple meeting to plan--no planning at all, in fact. Insecure leaders obsessed with apostasy are no doubt thrilled with a monthly meeting where we all get together to remind ourselves how true the Church is and how wonderful and inspired our leaders are. And the willingness of leaders to support a meeting with no agenda and no programmed message is symptomatic of the stunningly low quality of Mormon sacrament meetings overall. Meetings can be dull or boring but leaders simply can't grasp the idea that a meeting can be "too dull" or "too boring." That would imply a need to change something.
Wearing my faithful hat (I still have one), I would offer that it's at least a departure from the normal routine of dreary talks. These days, real people and their joys or problems seem rather more interesting that the ad hoc doctrines that infest Church manuals and high council talks. And from time to time there are moments of high drama that just don't happen anywhere else. It's not quite Jerry Springer, but then it's not phony either.
While it may be an easy meeting with no agenda, it's also true that allowing any member of the congregation to come share their thoughts from the pulpit is an unusual vote of confidence in the general membership. I suspect there are Evangelical churches where members of the congregation are invited to come share their conviction that Jesus is love and the Bible is true, but in many denominations the average member would have to climb past a pack of deacons, noviates, and lay ministers, then wrestle the microphone from the iron grip of an aging minister to address their message to the congregation from the pulpit. Could the Mormon tradition of an open mic on fast Sunday actually be a vote of confidence in the average Mormon sitting in the pews?
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Wearing my critical hat, I might offer that it is a simple meeting to plan--no planning at all, in fact. Insecure leaders obsessed with apostasy are no doubt thrilled with a monthly meeting where we all get together to remind ourselves how true the Church is and how wonderful and inspired our leaders are. And the willingness of leaders to support a meeting with no agenda and no programmed message is symptomatic of the stunningly low quality of Mormon sacrament meetings overall. Meetings can be dull or boring but leaders simply can't grasp the idea that a meeting can be "too dull" or "too boring." That would imply a need to change something.
Wearing my faithful hat (I still have one), I would offer that it's at least a departure from the normal routine of dreary talks. These days, real people and their joys or problems seem rather more interesting that the ad hoc doctrines that infest Church manuals and high council talks. And from time to time there are moments of high drama that just don't happen anywhere else. It's not quite Jerry Springer, but then it's not phony either.
While it may be an easy meeting with no agenda, it's also true that allowing any member of the congregation to come share their thoughts from the pulpit is an unusual vote of confidence in the general membership. I suspect there are Evangelical churches where members of the congregation are invited to come share their conviction that Jesus is love and the Bible is true, but in many denominations the average member would have to climb past a pack of deacons, noviates, and lay ministers, then wrestle the microphone from the iron grip of an aging minister to address their message to the congregation from the pulpit. Could the Mormon tradition of an open mic on fast Sunday actually be a vote of confidence in the average Mormon sitting in the pews?
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